Sms / Uncategorized

Unknown

Misc

As They Get Old...


Old accountants never die, they just lose their balance.
Old actors never die, they just drop apart.
Old archers never die, they just bow and quiver.
Old architects never die, they just lose their structures.
Old bankers never die, they just lose interest.
Old basketball players never die, they just go on dribbling.
Old beekeepers never die, they just buzz off.
Old bookkeepers never die, they just lose their figures.
Old bosses never die, much as you want them to.
Old cashiers never die, they just check out.
Old chauffeurs never die, they just lose their drive.
Old chemists never die, they just fail to react.
Old cleaning people never die, they just kick the bucket.
Old cooks never die, they just get deranged.
Old daredevils never die, they just get discouraged.
Old deans never die, they just lose their faculties.
Old doctors never die, they just lose their patience.
Old electricians never die, they just lose contact.
Old farmers never die, they just go to seed.
Old garagemen never die, they just retire.
Old hackers never die, they just go to bits.
Old hardware engineers never die, they just cache in their chips.
Old hippies never die, they just smell that way.
Old horticulturists never die, they just go to pot.
Old hypochondriacs never die, they just lose their grip.
Old investors never die, they just roll over.
Old journalists never die, they just get de-pressed.
Old knights in chain mail never die, they just shuffle off their metal coils.
Old laser physicists never die, they just become incoherent.
Old lawyers never die, they just lose their appeal.
Old limbo dancers never die, they just go under.
Old mathematicians never die, they just disintegrate.
Old milkmaids never die, they just lose their whey.
Old ministers never die, they just get put out to pastor.
Old musicians never die, they just get played out.
Old number theorists never die, they just get past their prime.
Old numerical analysts never die, they just get disarrayed.
Old owls never die, they just don-t give a hoot.
Old pacifists never die, they just go to peaces.
Old perfessers never die, they just lose their class.
Old photographers never die, they just stop developing.
Old pilots never die, they just go to a higher plane.
Old policemen never die, they just cop out.
Old preachers never die, they just ramble on, and on, and on, and on...
Old printers never die, they-re just not the type.
Old programmers never die, they just branch to a new address.
Old programming wizards never die, they just recurse.
Old quarterbacks never die, they just pass away.
Old schools never die, they just lose their principals.
Old sculptors never die, they just lose their marbles.
Old seers never die, they just lose their vision.
Old sewage workers never die, they just waste away.
Old skateboarders never die, they just lose their bearings.
Old sailors never die, they just get a little dingy.
Old Soldiers never die. Young ones do.
Old steelmakers never die, they just lose their temper.
Old students never die, they just get degraded.
Old tanners never die, they just go into hiding.
Old typists never die, they just lose their justification.
Walt Disney didn-t die. He-s in suspended animation.
Old white water rafters never die, they just get disgorged.
Old wrestlers never die, they just lose their grip.

· 1 Like · Apr 17, 2007 at 02:04
Category: uncategorized
 
Sms / Uncategorized

Unknown

Chapter 11

A businessman was in a great deal of trouble. His business was failing, he had put everything he had into the business, he owed everybody-- it was so bad he was even contemplating suicide. As a last resort he went to a priest and poured out his story of tears and woe.

When he had finished, the priest said, ""Here-s what I want you to do: Put a beach chair and your Bible in your car and drive down to the beach. Take the beach chair and the Bible to the water-s edge, sit down in the beach chair, and put the Bible in your lap. Open the Bible; the wind will rifle the pages, but finally the open Bible will come to rest on a page. Look down at the page and read the first thing you see. That will be your answer, that will tell you what to do.""

A year later the businessman went back to the priest and brought his wife and children with him. The man was in a new custom-tailored suit, his wife in a mink coat, the children shining. The businessman pulled an envelope stuffed with money out of his pocket, gave it to the priest as a donation in thanks for his advice.

The priest recognized the benefactor, and was curious. ""You did as I suggested?"" he asked.

""Absolutely,"" replied the businessman.

""You went to the beach?""

""Absolutely.""

""You sat in a beach chair with the Bible in your lap?""

""Absolutely.""

""You let the pages rifle until they stopped?""

""Absolutely.""

""And what were the first words you saw?""

""Chapter 11.""

· 1 Like · Apr 17, 2007 at 02:04
Category: uncategorized
 
Sms / Uncategorized

Unknown

Hammer

one boy came running to his mother crying when mother asked that why he is crying he said that father have hurt himself with the hammer.the mother said that ""son why are you cring you should laugh"".the son replied"" mom i just laughed at father""

· 1 Like · Apr 17, 2007 at 02:04
Category: uncategorized
 
Sms / Uncategorized

Unknown

Misc

A man walks out of a bar totally hammered, only to be greeted
by a snobby woman. She takes one look at him and says, ""You
sir, are drunk!"" He looks back at her and says, ""And you
ma-am, are ugly. But when I wake up, I will be sober!""

· 1 Like · Apr 17, 2007 at 02:04
Category: uncategorized
 
Sms / Uncategorized

Unknown

Computers

THE COMPUTER USER-S REBOOT POEM

Don-t you wish when life is bad
and things just don-t compute,
That all we really had to do
was stop and hit reboot?

Things would all turn out ok,
life could be so sweet
If we had those special keys
Ctrl, Alt, and Delete

Your boss is mad, your bills not paid,
your wife, well she-s just mute
Just stop and hit those wonderful keys
that make it all reboot

You-d like to have another job
but you fear living in the street?
You solve it all and start a new,
Ctrl, Alt, and Delete.

· 1 Like · Apr 17, 2007 at 02:04
Category: uncategorized
 
Sms / Uncategorized

Unknown

Misc

Here-s a little clarification of corporate lingo.

COMPETITIVE SALARY:
We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors.

JOIN OUR FAST-PACED COMPANY:
We have no time to train you.

CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE:
We don-t pay enough to expect that you-ll dress up well; a
couple of the real daring guys wear earrings.

MUST BE DEADLINE ORIENTED:
You-ll be six months behind schedule on your first day.

SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED:
Some time each night and some time each weekend.

DUTIES WILL VARY:
Anyone in the office can boss you around.

MUST HAVE AN EYE FOR DETAIL:
We have no quality control.

CAREER-MINDED:
Female Applicants must be childless (and remain that way).

APPLY IN PERSON:
If you-re old, fat or ugly you-ll be told the position has
been filled.

NO PHONE CALLS PLEASE:
We have filled the job. Our call for resumes is just a legal
formality.

SEEKING CANDIDATES WITH A WIDE VARIETY OF EXPERIENCE:
You-ll need it to replace three people who just left.

PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS A MUST:
You-re walking into a company in perpetual chaos.

REQUIRES TEAM LEADERSHIP SKILLS:
You-ll have the responsibilities of a manager, without the
pay or respect.

GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS:
Management communicates, you, figure out what they want and
do.

I-M EXTREMELY ADEPT AT ALL MANNER OF OFFICE ORGANIZATION:
I-ve used Microsoft Office.

I-M HONEST, HARD-WORKING AND DEPENDABLE:
I pilfer office supplies.

MY PERTINENT WORK EXPERIENCE INCLUDES:
I hope you don-t ask me about all the McJobs I-ve had.

I TAKE PRIDE IN MY WORK:
I blame others for my mistakes.

I-M PERSONABLE:
I give lots of unsolicited personal advice to co-workers.

I-M EXTREMELY PROFESSIONAL:
I carry a Day-Timer.

I AM ADAPTABLE:
I-ve changed jobs a lot.

I AM ON THE GO:
I-m never at my desk

· 1 Like · Apr 17, 2007 at 02:04
Category: uncategorized
 
Sms / Uncategorized

Unknown

Bigger Than China Smaller Than Nepal

a teacher asked kids which country is bigger than china and smaller than nepal . a kid with really big head and small hands said , sir it is pakistan. teacher said, how ? kid replied sir it is very simple pakistan has a big stomach and small hands.

· 1 Like · Apr 17, 2007 at 02:04
Category: uncategorized Tags: Pakistan
 
Sms / Uncategorized

Unknown

Two Liner Jokes

Bholaji ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces.
""Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces.""


Bholaji calls Air India. ""How long does it take to fly to Patna?""
""Just a sec,"" says the rep. ""Thank you."" says Bholaji and hangs up.


Bholaji : ""Have you ever read Shakespeare?""
Herolal : ""No, who wrote it?""


Q: So this Bholaji is walking the other day and comes across a banana peel on the road. Can you guess what he must be thinking ?
A: ""Saala aaj bhi girna padega...""


Q: Why did Bholaji stare at the frozen Orange Juice Can for 2 hours?
A: Because it said -concentrate-.


Q: What did Bholaji do when he noticed that someone had already written on the overhead transparency?
A: He turned it over and used the other side.


Q: What did Bholaji do when his wife gave birth to twins?
A: He is out looking for the other man.


Q: Some one asked if Bholaji believed in smoking.
A: He said ""Yes, I-ve seen it done.""


Q: Why does Bhola always smile during lightning storms?
A: He thinks his picture is being taken.


Bholaji Doctor to his patient: ""It`s very important that you take this medicine exactly 30 minutes before you feel the pain.""


Then there`s the one about Bholaji who brought his binoculars to a funeral where they were going to bury a distant relative ...

· 1 Like · Apr 17, 2007 at 02:04
Category: uncategorized Tags: Jokes
 
Sms / Uncategorized

Unknown

Bill Clinton

If there is a clock for every person dead or alive in heavens which moves a minute when that person lies.

Where is Bill Clinton-s clock?

With Jesus christ. He is using it as ceiling fan.

· 1 Like · Apr 17, 2007 at 02:04
Category: uncategorized
 
Pakistani version of Statue of Liberty
Posted by iJunoon
Posted on : Apr 21, 2018

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