GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD

Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.
Insanity is my only means of relaxation.
Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.
You know you-re getting old when you stoop to tie your shoes and wonder what else you can do while you-re down there.
You-re getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
One of life-s mysteries is how a two pound box of candy can make a person gain five pounds.
Every time I think about exercise, I lie down -till the thought goes away.
God put me on earth to accomplish a certain number of things. Right now I am so far behind, I will live forever.
I finally got my head together, and my body fell apart.
Time may be a great healer, but it-s also a lousy beautician.
Age doesn-t always bring wisdom. Sometimes age comes alone.
Amazing! You just hang something in your closet for a while, and it shrinks two sizes.
Inside some of us is a thin person struggling to get out, but they can usually be sedated with a few pieces of chocolate cake.